“Don’t try this at home”—Write Your Memoir with the Right Support

Recently, I was teaching the second week of my From Memory to Memoir class. We were talking about storytelling and, specifically, the difference between the experiencing voice—the version of you who was there when something happened—and the reflective voice—the version of you who has lived long enough to look back and make meaning of it.

And here's the tricky thing about memoir: to write it well, you have to access both. You have to put yourself back there.

Into the room. The conversation. The relationship. The loss. The joy. The version of yourself who didn't yet know what you know now.

And sometimes your body and your emotions have a whole lot to say about that—even when you thought you'd already dealt with it.

Meanwhile, you're also trying to figure out how the hell to write a book. (Cool cool cool....She says facetiously.)

Which brings me to this: "Don't try this at home."

Okay, I'm kidding. Sort of.

WHY PROFESSIONAL SUPERVISION IS ADVISED

I'm not suggesting memoir writing requires a helmet, power tools, a warning label (well, maybe that one would be helpful, actually.) However, professional "supervision" is strongly advised.

I am suggesting that writing a memoir entirely on your own asks an awful lot of a first-time author.

You're navigating the emotional vulnerability of revisiting your life while simultaneously learning the craft of turning that life into a compelling story.

Those are two very different kinds of work.

And you don't get extra credit for doing both alone.

THE PROFESSIONAL YOU'RE LOOKING FOR

The right professional support can:

• help you understand the genre and craft.
• teach you what makes a book work without expecting you to show up with an MFA.
• give you perspective when you're standing way too close to your own material to see it clearly.

And, perhaps most importantly, the right person understands that there is a human being inside the manuscript.

Someone who can:

• encourage you when the work gets hard.
• ask good questions.
• recognize when resistance is happening
• hold space for the vulnerability without losing sight of the book you're trying to create.

Ideally, you find someone who can bridge those worlds. Someone who understands memoir craft and understands humans. Someone with experience in this genre, firsthand knowledge of the writing process, and enough emotional intelligence—or a background in psychology, mental health, social work, or another helping profession—to respect what this kind of work can stir up.

CAN'T FIND THEM? DON'T GIVE UP.

And if you can't find all of that in one person? Build yourself a team. A therapist and a writing coach. An editor and a teacher (by taking a class). A writing community and professional guidance.

Support doesn't have to mean signing up for a year-long program tomorrow. It might mean taking a class. Booking a single conversation. Joining a workshop. Working one-on-one with someone for a season.

Or, yes, finding a longer-term container where you don't have to figure out what comes next every time you reach a new stage of the process. The point isn't that you get supported but that you give yourself permission to be.

NEVER WRITE YOUR MEMOIR ALONE.

Your story may belong to you, but that doesn't mean writing it alone is the best way forward. In fact, I'd strongly advise against it.

And, ahem...

If you're wondering whether I happen to know someone who bridges memoir craft, firsthand authorship, teaching, coaching, and a background in psychology...I know a gal. (*wink)

I'VE GOT YOUR BACK.

I've got several ways we can work and learn together. Simply head to the home page if you haven't already, and be sure to sign up for the Email List so you never miss the opportunities to work together. Your "professional supervision" is just a click away.